Focus On What You Want - Not What Others Think of You

By Cari Rauch

Being a lover of self-help and a Life Coach, I have spent many years "working on" myself so to speak especially on learning how to not care what other people think of me. I have gotten pretty good at it; however, this was not the case about a week ago. Last week I was in New York City, my friend and I rented bikes for four hours to ride around Central Park (incredibly beautiful by the way). I thought this was going to be a nice leisurely and relaxed ride. Little did I know that the Park is filled with fairly steep hills and that it was going to be around 80% humidity that day (okay so it had been like that every day so I had some clue to this). The first hour turned into being a pretty intense workout (partly because I didn't realize the bike was set to speed 5 out 7 until after 40 minutes into the ride) - had I known all of this I would have been in workout clothes instead of khaki Capri pants and a polo shirt.

It wasn't a pretty site - I had been sweating so much and of course my clothes were absorbing all of it that I looked like I had wet my pants front and back along with wet spots on the back of my shirt. By the time we stopped to get a map and ask directions at an information stand, I was really uncomfortable and not just from being wet. We had planned to bike 50 blocks to go see another friend's game; however, now I did not want to go any more. What I really wanted to do was go back to the hotel and change. Then my friend said it "Why do you care what others think of you?" Crap - I so did not want this pointed out to me because I truly thought I didn't care but obviously I was feeling embarrassed. So now on top of feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed, I was also frustrated and annoyed because I thought I had "worked" through this so it shouldn't bother me - I'm a Life Coach for crying out loud. We talked about splitting up so I could go back to the hotel and then try to meet up again but I was so overwhelmed I didn't know what to do. While I decided we headed out to find some bathrooms during this time I got some quiet time by myself.

I had to ask myself what I really wanted (in the end all we ever want boils down to a feeling and in this case I wanted a better one). Part of me wanted to go back to the hotel to change but then I would miss out on spending time in Central Park. I knew if I all I really wanted was to feel better than the only thing I needed to do was to think better feeling thoughts (our thoughts create our feelings not the circumstance). So I realized I just wanted to enjoy being in Central Park so I decided to start focusing on all the great things about the Park - the huge green trees and grass - the beautiful fountain - the light rain that began to fall - a man creating giant bubbles so tourists can stick their body inside and take a picture - noticing views that I've seen in movies. Once I started focusing on what I wanted magically I let go of caring what other people thought (I know this stuff works because I've done it before with myself and my clients but it still really amazed me it felt like I forgotten all about it).

We walked some of the paths to see some of the sites but ended up realizing we were just circling the same area of the Park which brought us right back to where we started. And my friend said a funny thing to me "Looks like you got your wish." -although I knew she was talking about how I wanted to not go to the game and back to the hotel (which was only a few blocks away now) - I realized that yeah I did get my wish (not the one she was referring to) because I focused on what I wanted which was to enjoy being in Central Park (really my true wish). I ended up riding around the rest of the time really enjoying Central Park and all its beauty.

Cari Rauch is a life coach. Her passion is helping Unconventional Chiks learn to live Extraordinary lives through guiding them to step into the woman they desire to be now. If you are interested in coaching with her, please feel free to send an email to cari@carirauch.comor visit her website http://www.carirauch.com

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